Comfort and Strength
Self-Love Isn't Selfish: Changing the Way We Think About Taking Care of Ourselves
Do you ever feel guilty for putting yourself first? Maybe you struggle to say no, even when you’re exhausted. Maybe you feel like taking a break means you’re lazy. Or maybe you spend so much time caring for others that you forget to care for yourself.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many of us grew up believing that self-care is selfish—that we should always put others first. But here’s the truth: You can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. It’s necessary.
Why We Struggle with Self-Love
Loving yourself sounds simple, but for many people, it’s not. You might struggle with self-love because:
- You were taught to put others first: Maybe growing up, you saw your parents sacrifice everything for others. You learned that being a “good” person means ignoring your own needs.
- You feel guilty for resting: When you take time for yourself, you hear a voice in your head saying, You should be doing something productive.
- You believe you’re not “good enough” to deserve love: Maybe past experiences—hurtful words, failed relationships, or rejection—made you believe you’re not worthy of care.
- You’re used to giving more than you receive: If you always take care of everyone else, it can feel uncomfortable to turn that kindness toward yourself.
But self-love isn’t about ignoring others. It’s about making sure you are okay, too. Because when you take care of yourself, you have more energy, patience, and love to give.
Signs You Need More Self-Love
- You feel burned out and exhausted all the time.
- You say yes to things you don’t want to do because you don’t want to disappoint others.
- You’re really hard on yourself and struggle with self-criticism.
- You don’t make time for things that bring you joy.
- You feel like your worth depends on how much you do for others.
If any of this sounds like you, it’s time to start practicing self-love.
How to Start Practicing Self-Love
1. Set Boundaries Without Guilt
You are allowed to say no. You don’t have to explain or apologize for protecting your time, energy, and mental health. “No” is a complete sentence.
2. Speak to Yourself Like You Would a Friend
If your best friend made a mistake, would you call them stupid or a failure? No. So why do that to yourself?
Try replacing negative thoughts with kinder ones, like:
- I’m not good enough. → I am doing my best, and that’s enough
- I’m such a failure. → I am learning and growing every day
3. Make Time for Yourself
Even if it’s just 10 minutes a day, do something for you. Read a book, take a walk, listen to music, or sit in silence. You don’t need permission to rest.
4. Surround Yourself with Supportive People
You deserve relationships that build you up, not drain you. Spend time with people who respect your boundaries and encourage your growth.
5. Ask for Help When You Need It
You don’t have to do everything alone. Seeking help—whether from a friend, family member, or therapist—is a sign of strength, not weakness.
You Deserve the Same Love You Give to Others
If self-love feels difficult, therapy can help.
At Let’sTalk! Counseling, we help people break free from guilt, build confidence, and learn to care for themselves without feeling selfish. You are worthy. You are enough. And you deserve love—starting with yourself.
Reach Out for Support, Guidance, and Healing
Don’t hesitate to connect with Let’s Talk Counseling. Whether you’re ready to schedule a session, have questions about our services, or simply want to explore how we can assist you on your journey to well-being, we’re here for you. Our dedicated team is eager to listen, support, and provide the guidance you need. Contact us today to take the first step towards a healthier and more fulfilling life.